White Devil by Bob Halloran

Author:Bob Halloran
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: BenBella Books, Inc.
Published: 2015-01-29T05:00:00+00:00

WHEN SHE LOOKS AT ME,” John says about My Linh, “it stops my heart.”

Although John has never officially adopted My Linh, he speaks as a proud father. He has assumed the role and the responsibility of a fully committed parent, and he has discovered the many conflicts inherent in loving and properly raising a child.

“I take parenting the way I take life,” he says thoughtfully. “I evaluate the situation. I value people. I value My Linh. I know what’s going to make her smile, and what’s going to make her feel bad. I try to discipline her, but I also try to give her everything she wants. One time she got me mad, and I put her in her room with the light off. That hurt me more than it did her. I’ll never do that again. As a parent, I want her to have nothing but good things. I don’t think I’m a bad person or a bad parent.”

Of course, the arrival of My Linh further domesticated John. He remained a drug-dealing enforcer who routinely carried a gun, but he also got up in the morning and made breakfast for a small child. He frequently took her to school, and picked her up in the afternoon. He took her ice skating for the first time, and played in the snow. He held her hand, kissed her round face, and loved to have her fall asleep on his chest. In those moments, John was at peace. There were no drug deals to be made, no battles to be won, and no cops harassing him. Perhaps an important part of John’s childhood was lost when his brother died and he was forced to take care of his ailing mother. He was still a boy, but carrying the burdens of a man. Now, as a man standing in the doorway of My Linh’s bedroom and watching her sleep, he often felt nostalgic for the lost innocence of his own youth.

“You can’t dislike a child,” John asserts. “Kids only know what we show them. A child is a product of their environment. You see a bad kid, don’t look at the kid. Look at the parent. It’s not the kid’s fault. They don’t know wrong unless they’re taught wrong. They won’t swear unless they hear it. Me—in Chinatown—I used to give them candy. But times have changed. Now parents look at you weird. A couple of times I’d snap at the parent, ‘What the fuck are you looking at?’ But I guess they’re just looking out for their kid. I love children, because they’re just innocent.”

And while John has a fondness for innocence and simplicity, he had no interest in rediscovering either. Too much had happened in his life. He was far too entrenched in his criminal ways to be swayed in the direction of a traditional family life by the slight tug of an adorable child. Yes, he loved Anh and My Linh as much as he could, and he entertained a

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